Details on Jen's Passing

I'm sorry that it has taken so long to log back in and update all of you on Jen's passing. The last 2-1/2 months have been a blur and I am just now starting to take care of a few things. Dealing with Jen's things is still very difficult, but I have begun to accept that she is gone and there is nothing I can do but begin to close those accounts and sites that may no longer be relevant. This is compounded by the fact that Jen was not very good at keeping records and I had no knowledge of how many sites she was a member of or what passwords she used. Every time I think I have found every site and I can begin deciding what to close, a new one seems to pop up

Just to reiterate - Jen died on December 2, 2007. She had been having problems breathing on and off for a few days before then, but she appeared to be getting better. It started as a cough that became a bit more persistent then went away to be replaced by the breathing problems. Neither one of us was a fan of doctors (we hadn't seen one in over 9 years), so I still partly blame myself for not rushing her to the emergency room or calling 911 earlier. You never think something like this can happen, but it does. We were always trying to get the other to see a doctor, but it seems we could not take our own advice.

Jen had a pulmonary embolism due to a deep vein thrombosis. Lots of big words to say she had a blood clot that traveled to her lungs. She was overweight and sedentary, and those are very bad for blood circulation. Unfortunately, her job (web design) and love (art) meant she spent long hours sitting. It's ironic that the one thing she loved most in life helped contribute to the problem that ultimately took her life.

Jen was depressed for years (and I am finding out that I was as well) and when she found art it was like nothing else mattered. She would stay up for hours and hours working on her next piece, most of the time forgetting to (or not being able to) sleep. The day before she passed we had a long conversation about the future. She hoped to save enough money to open a studio or gallery one day and she was really excited in the fact that more and more people expressed interest in her work. I take some comfort in realizing that she was probably at her happiest before she passed.

There are many pieces of hers that are unfinished and I hope to upload them here and on her website in the future. I will keep these sites up as long as possible to honor her. She wouldn't have wanted a memorial or for people to grieve her passing (easier said than done), so I will do my best to honor her wishes.

As Valentine's Day approaches, I am reminded of the fact that our relationship was not as good as it should have been. Depression is a horrible thing and if you're not careful it can drag you down and those around you before you are even aware of it. If you want to honor and cherish Jen, learn to love and accept those around you. But most of all, learn to love yourselves. If you can't love who you are, you make it difficult (if not impossible) to see how much others truly care for you.

I love you Jen. Thank you for helping me realize what I was missing in my life. I wish I could share this with you here and now, but it seems someone decided that was not in the master plan. I will never forget you. I am beginning to realize how much you taught me in life. Your passing taught me the biggest lesson of all. I will learn to love myself and not let depression overwhelm me like it has in the past. I promise I won't waste this gift you have given me.

Onel

- I'll check this site from time to time. If you want to reach me quickly, send me an email at krite1l at aol.com (replaced the "@" so I don't get spammed)